


this is srs

by eanard



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Gen, idkdkkd
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-03
Updated: 2017-02-18
Packaged: 2018-08-28 21:44:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8464081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eanard/pseuds/eanard
Summary: Chat rooms are a mess, a chamber of secrets and memes.





	1. freal luv??

Chanyolo: shit boy wat do I do

Bbyun: - by Tiffany

Jongdab: dats my fav song of the album tbh

Chanyolo: don't joke this is srs

Bbyun: what happenes

Jongdab: we is here n listenin

Chanyolo: I think I like ur choir friend. Ykno da guy that short n kinda looks like he hates everyone

Jongdab: kyungsoo???

Bbyun: you like him??? I though u hated him

Chanyolo: yep i did. But today I saw him laugh n i think dis is real love

Jongdab: like that one time a streetcat was nice to you

Jongdab: and you thought having a cat was gud ignoring ur allergy.

Jongdab: This is the same

Bbyun: tru

\----

Jongdab: okay so I've got some hot info for u lover boy

Chanyolo: ????!!

Jongdab: kyungsoo performs at his moms restaurant every Friday night

bbyun: let's go dis Friday then

Chanyolo: UES

Chanyolo: YES*

Bbyun: yo chill ur dick I only want to go bc I like to spoil myself

Bbyun: not bc I want to help u with ur crush

Jongdab: lmaooo suree baek. we all kno u just want to ask kyungsoo about minseok

Bbyun: JONGDAE SHUT UP

\----

Chanyolo: guys?? Where are you????

Chanyolo: I've been at the restaurant for about 20 mins and I'm anxious af

Chanyolo: I need moral support

Bbyun: we r running late bc jongdae dropped his phone in the toilet. We'll be there in like 15 min

Chanyolo: asshsjjcksba I hate you guys. I'd always considered turning u into my best mans

Chanyolo: but now seein ur comitment nahh. U fired

Bbyun: D: u wouldnt. We vowed in elementary school. We did a pinky promise!!

Chanyolo: :P (jokes Aside I'm really anxious so hurry pls I luv u)

\---

Chanyolo: I JUST HEARD HIM SING AND IVE BEEN BLESSED

Bbyun: I thought u were agnostic. Also we r almost there

Chanyolo: I've seeen da light. I'm turning Christian rn

Chanyolo: I'm havin religious kinks bc of him

Chanyolo: if he was jesus I would love to drink his jizz-us

Bbyun: calm ur virgin thirst u hoe -jongdae

 

\---

Chanyolo: im depressed. i hate life

Bbyun: shut the fuck up. U have a test tomorrow. study

Jongdab: wow baek, such a model student

Bbyun: always duh

Chanyolo: I just saw him, and I was like real happy, just seein him fro afar, but then I saw he was with a man!!! A man!! A MAN

Bbyun: and wat, isn't he allowed to hang out with ppl? Jesus ur acting like a jealous boyfriend or smth

Jongdab: may I remind u baek, that u almost killed that luhan guy when u saw him flirting with minseok

Bbyun: oh my god that was ages ago

Jongdab: it was like, last week

Chanyolo: guys!! Back to the topic!!

Chanyolo: I know baek, but the guy he was hanging out with didnt look like a friend at all!!!

Jongdab: how can someone 'look like a friend'

Chanyolo: it was that guy that's with yixing on dance classes? The youngest one??

Bbyun: u mean jongin

Bbyun: if u mean jongin i hav something to tell u dumbass

Chanyolo: yeah him!!!

Jongdab: oh boy

Bbyun: jongin doesn't like Kyungsoo. I'm sure

Chanyolo: but he looked like he was flirting with him:'‑(

Jongdab: baek drop the bomb to dis idiot pls

Bbyun: so I and jongdae know he definitely does. not. like.Kyungsoo

Chanyolo: how can you be so sure?

Bbyun: stop typing and let me finish u rude tall boy

Bbyun: so, we know bc, jongin himself told us he likes someone else. To be específico he like you

Chanyolo: wat

Jongdab: boy has bad taste if he wants to eat your ass tbh

Chanyolo: I'm very much confused

Chanyolo: but then that means he's not a threat ??? I still have a chance with Kyungsoo??!1

Bbyun: yes. Now go study or you'll fail tomorro

Chanyolo: okay aye sir!!!

Chanyolo: ty <3 <3 I still have a chaceeeee

Bbyun: go stUDY

\---

Chanyolo: yo guys, since u told me da jongin guy likes me it's been ver awkward

Jongdab: ur welcome ;P

Bbyun: atleast someone likes your deformed face

Bbyun: be grateful u ass

Chanyolo: I am!! And ur all rude >:/ I'm handsome okay?

Jongdab: whatever lets u sleep at night

Chanyolo: it's just

Chanyolo:it's wierd!!!! Everytime i go and see yixing he's there and now I notice that he looks at me with puppy dog eyes and it's overwhelming

Chanyolo: makes me anxious

Jongdab: u should try and date him instead of Kyungsoo

Bbyun: atleast he knows you exist

Chanyolo: but I don't feel any attraction!

Jongdab: we didn't feel any attraction to be your friends either. It just happened.

Bbyun: it was by a simple class sitting plan that we have you loser as a friend. Give jongin a chance

Chanyolo: ur jerks.

Chanyolo: fine!!! I'll do it so stop cyber bullying me >:/

Bbyun: dis is friendship at its purest stage idk what ur talking bout

 


	2. the rap y

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sehun comes from America n stuff

Bbyun: joNGDAE OMYGOd IM dEd

Bbyun: THIS IS TOO FUNNY JFC

Jongdab: wat wat

Jongdab: what happened???

Chanyolo: BYUN BAEKHYUN DONT TYPE ANYTHING IN

Chanyolo: JONGDAE DONT BELIEVE ANYTHING HE SAYS

Chanyolo: ITS ALL A CONSPIRACY. AN ATTEMPT AGAINST ME.

Jongdab: okayy so this is gold material, considering your reaction.

Jongdab: baekkk spilll the beans.

Bbyun: okay so

Chanyolo: noNOn

Bbyun: today chanyeol

Chanyolo: NOnaiOnONokNoonKoNKoOnIi

Jongdab: yesyesyessss

Bbyun: decided to leave his apartment without any underwear

Chanyolo: whY DO YOU HAte me

Bbyun: and we where in the park next to the train station, chilling

Bbyun: but then

Chanyolo: this is defamation I'm going to coURT

Bbyun: random middle school kids walked towards us

Chanyolo:DEFAMATION

Bbyun: and they pushed one kid forward

Chanyolo: PLEDESshj

Bbyun: and this kid came closer to chanyeol

Chanyolo: I hate you baekhhn

Bbyun: and bam! Pulled his jeans down. His naked bottom was exposed to everything and everyone present in that park

Bbyun: AND THE BEST THING IS

Chanyolo: fuck you baek

Bbyun: THAT DO KYUNGSOO WAS RIGHT BEHIND THOSE MIDDLE SCHOOLERS, JUST A FEW FEET AWAY

Jongdab: NO WAY

Bbyun: aND HE LOOKED AT CHANYEOL, AND SPECIALY AT CHANYEOL'S DEEZ NUTS, WITH SUCH DISGUST

Chanyolo: you're dead to me baekhyun

Chanyolo: also you jongdae

Bbyun: It felt like Christmas had come earlier

Chanyolo: wHY DO YOU HATEN ME

Bbyun: i don't hate you, i only love when you embarrass yourself

Jongdab: soo, this just means your chances with Kyungsoo are now almost non existent

Bbyun: they were non existent before too. Now it's non existent square root.

Jongdab: a tru mathematician right here

 

[chanyolo has left the group chat]

\---

  
Bbyun: minseok is such a mannnnnnnnn

Bbyun: turns me into a sinnner yummmm

Jongdab: that's the worst you can do dae??

Jongdab: leave my phone or I'll use yours and post a dick pic on your pg rated insta account

Bbyun: you wouldn't

Jongdab: heck yea I would. So don't do anything stupid with my phone

Bbyun: you do that and I'll send minseok a dick pic

Chanyolo: do it jongdae. That boy needs to suffer

Jongdab: you just dare to do that and I will come and cut your balls off

Jongdab: I'm not joking

Jongdab: also chanyeol if you help him do anything ill tell kyungsoo what happened that one time in Starbucks

Chanyolo: Fck u baek

Chanyolo: y u treat me lik dis

Jongdab: so u lil bitches better leave my phone or you'll suffer :)

Bbyun: okay chillll

Bbyun: damn, a boy can't have fun anymore

Chanyolo: he smetimes scares me

Jongdab: :)  
\-----

 

Chanyolo: hey

Chanyolo: I didn't know you losers had a group chat

Chanyolo: how rude of you not to add me

Jongdab: I'm guessing you got to chanyeol's apartment safe Sehun

Bbyun: what's up with ppl stealing other pls phones these days

Chanyolo: yea I arrived fine. The trip from USA to Korea was a bother tho

Chanyolo: chanyeol is showering rn. Tell me all the gossip before he comeskkksndnna

Chanyolo: send djejrme a private messagehjdjdndnsl

Jongdab: guess Sehun got caught

Chanyolo: that beat. Don't add him

Chanyolo: brat*

Bbyun: we are not that lame to add Sehun don't worry

Jongdab: we r pretty lame baek tho

Bbyun: think what you want of yourself but I was referring to myself

Jongdab: someone got the princess syndrome again  
\---

 

Chanyolo: I forgot jongin and Sehun are like, besties

Chanyolo: crap

Bbyun: ur life is sad and tragic boohhoo

Chanyolo: i swear I'll unfriend u byun baekhyun

Jongdab: okay so the therapy starts now.

Jongdab: tell us your feeling mr park

Chanyolo: ty dae. You're a tru homie not like some other person >:/

Bbyun: okay I'm sorry

Bbyun: pls don't hate me

Bbyun: I luv u D:

Bbyun: I've just been stressed lately

Jongdab: aahjskakd i said mr park not mr byun

Chanyolo: buy me a coffe n I'll forgive u

Chanyolo: it's just dat sehun brings jongin to my apartment way too much

Chanyolo: and I feel awks bc I can't scape anywhere bc they in my house

Chanyolo: and like sehun is sleeping in my room they hang there too!! And at the end I just end up in tao's apartment down the hallway.

Chanyolo: cause I can't deal knowing jongin likes me and how he looks at me

Chanyolo: it makes me embarrassd af

Jongdab: bro

Jongdab: u should really consider asking jongin out

Jongdab: he ain't no singer but he can dance

Bbyun: plus he's a nice kid

Chanyolo: but

Bbyun: Fo reals now, you have a chance with him. With Kyungsoo you can't even say hi

Chanyolo: :((((


	3. #rude #rude2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sehun infiltrates once more

Chanyolo: sup bitches. Chanyl is shitting this time so I can gossip comfortably

Bbyun: tmi eww

Chanyolo: baek we all kno u do skype while ur shitting

Chanyolo: which, fo ur info, traumatized me

Jongdab: oh Sehun back at it again with using chanyeol's phone

Bbyun: awww I'm happy I traumatized u <3

Chanyolo: wierdo

Chanyolo: anyways, Who is do kyingso

Bbyun: it's Kyungsoo no kyingso

Chanyolo: is dis a spelling bee excuse u

Chanyolo: idc

Chanyolo: tell me who he

Jongdab: chanyeol's impossible crush

Bbyun: we're on the same choir

Chanyolo: well, tell that dude to back tf off

Chanyolo: cause I can't deal wit jongin moping anymore

Bbyun: lmao Kyungsoo doesn't even know bout chanyeol

Chanyolo: also tell chanyeol I got tired n arranged a date by myself

Jongdab: what are you, Cupid ??

Chanyolo: he has to meet jongin tomorrow at 6pm at da mall.

Chanyolo: that's all. Bye u losers (IF HE DOEsnt GO TELL HIM I'LL KIDNAP ALL HIS RILAKKUMAS)

Bbyun: he'll freak out when he checks the chat

Jongdab: Tru that  
-  
Chanyolo: Y DIDNT U GUYS TELL ME

Jongdab: I was about to take a nap. Assfhkfdkl wat u want

Chanyolo: Sehun arranged a date??? I don't actually read past messages u know

Bbyun: I was gonna tell u in da morning. Not at bloody 1 am

Bbyun: you re interrupting my Beaty sleep. #rude

Jongdab: same here #rude2

Chanyolo: y'all ugly. At face and at heart. There's nothing sleep can do for you

Bbyun: can we discuss in the morning. For realz. I'm tired

Chanyolo: help me find a way to murder Sehun in his sleep

Chanyolo: or to find a doppleganger for tomorrow

Jongdab: it's not that bad. Give it a chance and chill

Bbyun: u could start by going to sleep

Bbyun: we all have early lectures so go tf to sleep

Chanyolo: ur da worst friends in times of crisis

Jongdab: we're hella rad friends m u kno it. We're simply not vampires.

Jongdab: so I'm gonna go take my nap rn bc then I need to speed write an essay later

Jongdab: so bye. Gn. Good dreams

Bbyun: I support jongdae. Good luck with the essay!

Bbyun: I'm glad I did that one last week

Bbyun: go to sleep chanyeol

Chanyolo: fine! Ur all such grandpas

Chanyolo: but as soon as I wake up I'll ask for support and send a million messages.

Chanyolo: be prepared

  
\---

  
Chanyolo: I'm awake.

Chanyolo: be prepared.

Chanyolo: I'm going to bombard this chat until that date ends

Bbyun: you can't just text in the middle of a date

Bbyun: that's hella rude

Bbyun: I didnt raise you like this

Chanyolo: BE PREPARED.


	4. lock screen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baekhyun is a caring friend, a jelous boy and chanyeol drops his phone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's 3am and I'm sleepy. Gn

Bbyun: do you think he's doing well?

Bbyun: I mean he hasn't connected for half an hour

Jongdab: mmmm I'm not sure

Jongdab: let's hope its that

Bbyun: I hope jongin doesn't realize that the boy is lamer than lame

Jongdab: let us pray.

\---

 

Chanyolo: yknow i can still read all messages.

Chanyolo: y u gotta disrespect me here when you could do it on private

Bbyun: !!

Bbyun: how did it go

Jongdab: we are like your parents, you gotta deal with our concerns

Bbyun: if you don't tell us I'll ask Sehun

Chanyolo: I mean

Chanyolo: jongin is pretty cool

Chanyolo: he appreciates dank memes

Chanyolo: but I think

Chanyolo: he's not my type

Bbyun: what the fck park

Jongdab: yikes

Bbyun: I was rooting for u

Bbyun: we were all rooting for u

Jongdab: have you rewatched america's next top model again omg

Bbyun: I was already thinking what your ship name could be

Bbyun: and yes. Duh. It's a classic

Chanyolo: I'm going out with him next week tho

Bbyun: wait what!!!

Chanyolo: I'm gonna try it out, but I think we will most likely end up as friends

Jongdab: ur more difficult to court than a Victorian era lady

Bbyun: well. If you ever get into his pants u gotta tell us

Bbyun: bc tbh that's the only reason why I'm interested in your love life

Bbyun: will Channie lose his virginity? Will he bottom? Will he top?? Tune in next time to find out

Jongdab: lmao baek

Chanyolo: y u always disrespect me lik dis I hate u all

Chanyolo: yknow who's my type

Chanyolo: minseok. I'll make dat boy my man

Bbyun: if you even dare to touch him I'll burn and cook your sorry penis

Bbyun: don't joke with a man's man

Chanyolo: don't joke with a man's love life

Jongdab: chill out

Jongdab: what is dis. The real housewives jfc.  
\---

Jongdab: yo

Jongdab: I saw Luhan with minseok hanging out of campus just a while ago

Jongdab: they were inside that new bakery?? The one close to the bike place ?? That one

Bbyun: wait what the fuck

Bbyun: I thought Luhan was dating someone else??

Bbyun: What does that snake want with my man?? I swear if I see him seducing poor innocent beautiful minseok imma cut a bitch's throat.

Chanyolo: .

Jongdab: keep calm. Bro, you haven't even properly confessed yet.

Jongdab: ya acting like a crazy boyfriend even though you not even that

Chanyolo: Who's phone is this.

Bbyun: try me jongdae. TRY ME

Bbyun: did you hit your head or smth, it's your phone Chanyeol jesus

Chanyolo: I found this phone on the ground.

Bbyun: !??

Bbyun: how are you texting then? How do you know Chanyeol' password??

Chanyolo: It's an iPhone. It can answer messages from the lock screen

Jongdab: that's true baek. I'm on the apple team so I know

Bbyun: apple is lamez. I'm android

Chanyolo: Where do I return this phone

Chanyolo: Wait. Byun Baekhyun? Kim Jongdae?

Bbyun: who are you and how do you know our names

Jongdab: is this an extortion? We have no money and neither does the phone owner.

Chanyolo: It's Kyungsoo.

Chanyolo: You two are lucky I found this and not someone else

Bbyun: !!! Soo!!!

Jongdab: this is a really interesting turn of events

Bbyun: imma email u the address by priv!! Go there at around 5pm and the owner will gracefully take back his phone.

Chanyolo: We have choir classes at 5. I'll give the phone to you then and you give it to your friend

Bbyun: nO!!! NO. Give it to him yourself. He's gonna be extremely grateful. Ask him for a favor in return. Or idk demand money

Jongdab: can you go right now?? I think he's home atm

Bbyun: done. I sent u the address

Jongdab: plsss kyungsoooooo

Chanyolo: if you two promise to not talk to me during practice for a whole week then fine

Bbyun: deal!!! Now go go gooooOO

 

**Author's Note:**

> this is a mess.


End file.
